Note: Due to popular request, we’ve now changed this post into a Mad-Libs-style essay. Fill in the blank! It’s fun!
Fans of recently shuttered [ONE-WORD HIPSTER BAR NAME] have even more reason to celebrate. On the tails of the first night of the [SILLY NOUN] pop-up at [DIFFERENT HIPSTER BAR NAME] comes the announcement that bartenders [MALE NAME 1] and [MALE NAME 2] will spend the rest of their weekdays slinging booze at the [NAME OF SCIENCE MUSEUM].
And they won’t be crafting just any old high-end cocktails. “This is a kid’s science museum, after all. The [ADJECTIVE] generation needs to learn about cocktail [SCHOOL SUBJECT] just like the rest of us,” says [MALE NAME 1]. Indeed, the pair is launching an entire curriculum, called [SCHOOL SUBJECT], devoted to mixology, [NOUN]-pairing, and the art of drinking [ADVERB]. Drink recipes will be matched to museum exhibits like the [SCIENCE EXHIBIT ON MAGNETS], the [SCIENCE EXHIBIT ON WATER VORTEXES], and (best of all) the [SCIENCE EXHIBIT ON SENSES].
“We predict that our [SCIENCE EXHIBIT ON SENSES] cocktail will be the most popular,” said [MALE NAME 2]. “I can’t really tell you how we’re going to do it yet. I know that you’ll be able to [SENSE, VERBED] the cocktail and [DIFFERENT SENSE, VERBED] the cocktail, but you definitely won’t be able to [THIRD SENSE, VERBED] the cocktail.”
Kids will be invited to join the barmen in the dining room of [RESTAURANT NAME WITH A NAUTICAL THEME], [FEMALE NAME]‘s [BODY OF WATER]-themed museum restaurant, for an hour of demos, followed by a supervised tasting and practice session. There will be no [NOUN] for admitted children, although parents will need to sign a [NAME OF LEGAL DOCUMENT] and agree to use the museum’s pre-arranged [NOUN] for transportation back to their homes.
Explains [MALE NAME 1]: “We believe that mixology education should begin at an early [NOUN], but we recognize that some [PLURAL NOUN] may disagree. That’s why we’ve put a few safeguards in place to protect against [LEGAL ISSUE, PLURAL].”
So far, visitors to the museum agree with [MALE NAME 1]. “I’m so tired when I get home from work that I can barely open the door to my [NOUN]. Teaching my kids how to make me a proper [COCKTAIL NAME] will help solve so many problems,” said [FEMALE NAME 2]. “Plus, they’ll remember these skills for the rest of their lives. They’ll never have to experience a(n) [ADJECTIVE] drink,” [FEMALE NAME 2] added with a [VERB].
In addition to these innovations, [MALE NAME 1] and [MALE NAME 2] plan to debut a(n) [ADJECTIVE] set of cocktail [PLURAL NOUN] made just for small fingers.
“We’ve worked with some of our friends that own a metal working studio next to [RESTAURANT NAME] in [INDUSTRIAL CITY AREA IN DANGEROUS PART OF TOWN] to design miniature cocktail [PLURAL NOUN], [MEASURING DEVICE, PLURAL], and [ODORLESS GAS] canisters. We’ve even got a speciality [POWER TOOL] kids can use to shave perfect flakes of [NOUN] for [DRINK NAME, PLURAL] and [DRINK NAME, PLURAL],” explained [MALE NAME 2], breathless with [NOUN].
They also plan to bring in cocktail innovator [MALE NAME 3] of [3RD HIPSTER BAR NAME] for a few guest appearances. [MALE NAME 1] explained that the cost of flying such a(n) [ADJECTIVE] face in all the way from [MAJOR U.S. CITY] was totally worth it. “He’s got this red hot [NOUN] used for burning [BEVERAGE] cocktails. [PLURAL NOUN] are going to go crazy for it. I mean, fire, right? [PLURAL NOUN] love fire.”