Note: Due to an onslaught of publicity, we were forced to redact the name of the pastry chef in question.
Known for both his precious and colorful petit fours as well as a charming appearance on Top Chef Just Desserts, San Francisco pastry chef [REDACTED] has now taken a giant leap outside of his comfort zone. Egged on by his friends, and likely spurred by his knowledge of reality TV, [REDACTED] was seen Sunday night sneaking into the Real World SF house at 1244 Sutter while carting a 6-ft square box.One onlooker described his sighting of the Bravo TV star as “startling and stunning.” Purportedly wearing an all-black Tom Ford suit, patent leather Addidas, and a Roberto Cavalli black beanie, [REDACTED] looked far too put together to be walking into the raucous building. “I knew something was out of place when I saw someone so cute and well-dressed walking into the house. I mean, I couldn’t even see any of his skin,” said the onlooker. “He turned to look down the street for witnesses, and that’s when I recognized his face. Who wouldn’t know that cherubic smile?”
The reason for [REDACTED]‘s visit (and the contents of the bag) would have remained a disappointing mystery if not for some sleuth reporting by a Hair of the Dog tipster who ran into the cast at Playland. “I was grinding up on Jay, that hot model MC or whatever. He invited me back to the house after last call, and like who was I to say no? It’s T.V., you know”,” said our tipster.
“Once we got back inside, though, that’s when things got weird. We were in the living room, taking shots of Patron, and then this tiny little quirky dude rolled up inside with a big ass box. He mumbled something about a gift and about giving us all advice about TV and shit, and then the sides fell off of the box. Inside was a huge fucking cake, decked out with roses and ribbons and all kindsa colors,” she continued.
“At first I thought someone had drugged me and I was tripping balls or some shit. Then I saw everyone else’s mouths wide open, headed towards the cake with giant spoons.”
But before anyone could taste the cake, she said, a half-naked woman popped out of the box. “She was all like humping the cake and I thought it was totally nasty. Why waste such a pretty cake?”
Our tipster couldn’t go further with the story; she was under contract to keep the details of the crazy night to a minimum until the show airs. We did, however, catch up with [REDACTED] the next morning at his Union Square patisserie, [REDACTED].
“I just thought baking a cake would be a nice gesture to welcome the cast members to our great city. I thought I’d just be bringing a cake, but I guess the producers had something else in mind,” said [REDACTED]. Apparently, MTV crew members slipped in the stripper during a routine search before [REDACTED] entered the filming area. “I have no idea how they slipped her in like that. They must have had a secret stripper stash or something.”
If only we knew.